COVID Counterpunch: The Second Wave

I’ve seen the error of my ways. I’ve been poking fun at this ridiculous, bogus, bullshit COVID-19 thing with occasional satire, now and then, here and there, but now I want to recant. I love Big Brother. (So um, don’t tase me Bro!) But how can I atone for my past sins? It is written: “What’s done is done”. All we can do is work forward, right?

So in my new tolerant mindframe, I want to extend sympathy to the devil in the form of fraternal advice. I’ve asked myself the following: “If I were a member of the Inner Party, what would I do?” (now that the whole quarantine gig is kinda falling flat). Well, naturally the IP is rummaging in the Playbook for the easy fallback go-to’s:

(1) Bring on heavy ‘contact tracing’ programs, and sell them as being the key to “reopening” when actually they’ll have the opposite effect of extending and deepening the economic freeze (will you stop in for a pizza and beer while the next table over is ratting you to the Stasi on their iPhone for a sneeze?)

(2) Try to cook up something even scarier than the original premise — realizing the seniors thing is losing stickiness, amp it up to claim children dying from Kawasaki.

These are great! I don’t mean to disrespect the senior players who’ve come up with these excellent fallbacks.

But anyone can see that with these, you’re fighting off the back foot. As a defensive fighter, you may win on points, but you ain’t gonna rock the house like Iron Mike. Don’t just survive in the ring, don’t be a “boxer” like Floyd Mayweather. Be a “fighter” like Roberto Duran! I can modestly say that I have some expertise in this area, sparring at the Wild Card Boxing Club in LA, having fought through a hundred-plus hard rounds under the hawk-eyed guidance of some of their best trainers, against top amateur fighters (and even the occasional pro stopping in now and then).

So in my new spirit of contrition, I’m going to give some quasi-professional coaching to my new soulmates, the Inner Party. The first point is what I said above, you need some ring generalship. Don’t fight off the back foot, don’t let these cretinous “freedom loving” assholes bully you onto the ropes! Dominate the ring! At the same time however, you don’t wanna be stupid about it. You do need a bit of strategy to avoid taking too much damage in any single fight, which is after all but one stepping stone to the top belt, right? I mean, you Inner Party types are clearly playing the long game.

So here’s what you do: be a counter-puncher! How did Juan Manuel Márquez take out Manny Pacquiao in “the knockout of the decade”? (hint: Márquez is probably the greatest counterpuncher of all time). Márquez was losing! He was backed onto the ropes! The Pacman sensed victory in the air, and, forgetting the very wisest of all the Freddie Roach / Wild Card principles (“when you‘re sure you’ve all but won, never go nuts before the bell”), he started wildly slugging at Márquez, who was bloodied, beaten, and all but done. And in doing so, the Pacman left himself open.

I’m sure at this moment, with states reopening one after another, and all the mortality stats being revealed as fake as fuck, and the unspeakable long-term human cost of this moronic shutdown being hyped up daily, you Inner Party guys can identify with El Maestro (JMM), right? Feeling bruised and bloodied.

But never fear, I’m here to show you how to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. What you do is take advantage of the psychology of this moment and then launch your perfectly-timed counterpunch! The best counterpunchers feint and then assess reaction before launching the real thing. Now, most likely this initial coronavirus release was an innocent accident. The Wuhan Biosafety Level 4 :) Virology Unit was just minding its own biz, cooking up future-oriented bioweapons for World War 3. They were just putzing around, tacking on spike proteins here and there to see what stuck — not meaning anybody any harm. But then some low-iq asshole (probably the janitor) tracked bat piss out on his shoe or something. Rest is history. Well, as I said above, what’s done is done. But a good counterpuncher is the ultimate opportunist. Treat this accidental release as the equivalent of a feint in boxing. Sure the release itself has kind of fallen flat from a strictly medical point of view. But you need to broaden your vision, read the room! Ring generalship remember?

What’s happened is, the opponent has massively overreacted — and now let down their guard! Exactly what you hope for from a well-executed feint, and it’s fallen plonk straight into your hands as an accidental gift from heaven. Now the opponent is off balance! He’s going nuts with reopening and discrediting all you tyrannical assholes as the Nazi’s you are deep down. But that’s his mistake! Just like the Pacman, he’s now going to be OVERCONFIDENT. So here’s how you exploit this crucial juncture….

Wait a few more months. Let these cretinous proles rejoice in their “freedom” — crawling their disgusting animal bodies all over one another on the “beaches of the world” like the filthy subliterate morons they are. You’ll have your turn! Yes, just stay patient and in a few months, it’s gonna be PAYBACK TIME. Use these intervening months to get something more deadly stocked up, one of your real serious bioweapons. Weaponized Ebola or whatever the fuck. Doesn’t matter what country you source it from, after all, COVID-19 was an international research product co-generated by experts across the globe. That’s not the issue. TIMING is the issue. Wait til their guard is down and then re-launch — but with the much deadlier strain! THERE is your counter-punch! The so-called second wave.

Because when that hits, precisely because the previous wave kinda fell flat and people saw that y’all destroyed millions of lives and careers basically for nothing, they won’t believe the first warnings about your 2nd wave! They’ll be crowded into their bars and beaches and hair salons and they’ll die like the pitiful insects they are, in their billions! Now that’s what I call “manos de piedra” — LOL!

And that, let me tell you amigos, won’t be just the “Knockout of the Decade”. Why, it’ll be the Knockout of the Century!